I Am The Warrior…Worrier?

I am convinced that some of the wedding Websites out there are attempting to make me even MORE anxious about the big day. I recently received an email from one of the numerous sites I’ve signed up for with the subject line, “Have You Thought About Your Wedding Kiss?”

The email went on to explain that there are many little things that us brides forget to practice, which, for me, translates to all the little things we forget to worry about while we are preoccupied with worrying about the big things. I admit it. I am a worrier. My fiancé claims that it’s one of the things he loves about me (well, maybe he refers to it as “caring”). However, being a worrier and planning a wedding don’t always jive.

When I woke up three different times last night and couldn’t get back to sleep, I tossed and turned, consumed by minute details regarding the big day—Did I pick the right colors? Is Mr. Cathedral Heights ever going to look at tuxedos? Will I get so anxious walking down the aisle in front of all those people that I pass out? Is it crazy to be spending so much money on one day when I don’t even have a car? And I still have seven months of worrying to go!

I remember when my best friend and bridesmaid—I'll call her K—got married. She said something about being concerned for me when it came time to plan my wedding. She knows me very well and had the foresight to predict how my personality might clash with having hundreds of details to organize and choices to make while everyone I’ve ever known tells me what they think I should do.

After racking my brain—and my mother’s, and K’s, and my fiance’s—over the past few weeks, I came to the understanding that I need to allow myself to not worry about some of the details. I’ll focus on the big items, or the items that matter most to me, and I’ll ask for help with the other stuff (I supposed this realization seems obvious to most). I had a moment of clarity today as well, when I took a step back and looked at the big picture. We’re planning an enormous party for ourselves—a day surrounded by loved ones, celebrating our relationship, our future, and our families joining together. This should be fun!

So, no, I hadn’t thought about practicing our wedding kiss. In fact, I want it to be spontaneous (or, as spontaneous as a planned moment that happens in pretty much every similar event can be), filled with excitement and love and nerves. I’ve made a decision: I’m going to give myself permission not to worry about the kiss.

What really matters . . .

First, I cannot apologize enough for my complete mia-ness. I know it's not new, but work somewhat exploded in March. It was 2 months before my work's annual event (I help plan a 3-day wine tasting & auction) for a national healthcare organization and we were down to the wire. Then, exactly one month before my event, our third colleague on the event left. My boss and I planned and executed 3 days of food, wine, and auctions. It was a successful event, but it of course had a price: my life for an entire month. Beginning in March, all wedding planning went on hold (except for our invitations because that was non-negotiable).

So, I write this "comeback" post with a heavy heart. No, my fiance did not leave me or cheat on me. My mother's family is rather large. She is one of 7 children. However, there has been some quarreling among them - a little bit expected when there are so many, perhaps. Then, my grandmother past away in February and relations among the siblings have not improved. Now, my mother and her brother have only each other as their siblings refuse to talk to them or entertain their requests to make amends. My uncle and his wife still live in the Philippines. They are a wonderful and loving couple and my fiance and I were so excited to include them as our Primary Sponsors in the wedding. Well, my mother heard from my uncle last night who had been to the American embassy earlier that day to apply for their visas. They were denied. They weren't even asked any questions about why they were coming, or had a chance to show the invitation I sent them to include with their application, or the ability to prove that they wouldn't try to illegally stay in the states.

My mother is devastated and so am I. It kills me that now she will have no one in her family represented at our wedding. When I think of my wedding day, all I can think of is the joining of our families and what a wonderful celebration it is supposed to be. My father has siblings, too, 3 sisters. However, one cannot travel because my cousin is still in school and my two other aunts are coming, but neither of their husbands (my uncles) appear to be able to make it. When my mother told me about it a few weeks ago, I couldn't help but cry. Now when I think of my third uncle not being able to make it, my heart just aches. My fiance's family is huge and so many are *hopefully* coming to the wedding. But it saddens me that they won't be able to meet any of my family. Only when I find out that so few of my family will be there do I realize how important it is for me that they are with me on such an important day. I have always looked forward to this day because of what fun it will be and what it symbolizes for both our families. Now, more than ever, do I realize how much family means to me. It almost feels too late.

PS -- Happier posts to come. I promise, including wedding invitations, tastings, favors, shoes and dresses, and my first dress fitting! If you can, please say a prayer for my family and me.

Best Wishes and Hearty Congratualtions...

...To everyone who became engaged over the holiday season! I'm sure many of you have noticed the trends in you own social circles of few weddings taking place in November and December, but many many engagements occurring! There's a great New York Times article from Christmas 2005 on the very topic of why it's so popular.

And if there something every new bride-to-be needs it's some unsolicited advice from a self-proclaimed expert, right? If I could share one piece of advice I could share with newly engaged couples it would be this:

Relax. Enjoy. Don't rush (or let others make you feel rushed) to make plans.

Friends and loved ones will immediately begin asking if you've set a date, where you'll get married, etc. etc. Learn this little phrase in response: Oh, we haven't discussed yet, we're just really enjoying the moment right now! Learn it and then live it!

We were on vacation clear across the country with no Internet access when we got engaged, so I was kind of forced to take it slow. Of course we called friends and family to share the wonderful news, but then we got to just bask in the glow of it all. Don't forget to savor the moment and what a unique time in your live this is before you jump into making a Knot page and picking the bridal party. :)

Just my two cents on the subject. What would your one piece of advice be?