I Was Destined to Elope

I’m sure many gals claim this, but I never envisioned myself having a wedding—or, the typical wedding anyway. If I did picture it, which happened rarely, I imagined a tiny ceremony on a beach or maybe even a wild trip to Vegas where we would recite vows in front of an Elvis impersonator (after all, I had a massive crush on the King for years).

So, when my Peruvian fiancé proposed to me in the garden next to the National Cathedral (even though he claims not to be very religious), I began researching destination wedding venues, citing off prices for beachside ceremonies in Jamaica, Antigua, St. Lucia, and emailing him postcard-perfect photos of the azure waters and white-sand beaches of the Caribbean, partially obstructed by a beaming bride and groom. I told him that we could have a small wedding. Maybe 30 people, tops? He replied that he’d rather have the opportunity to celebrate our love and the giant step we are taking with our families and friends; however, he wasn’t completely against my idea.

“Why don’t you make a list of the 30 people you would invite?” He recommended, slyly.

I sat there with my laptop, typing names into Excel—parents, siblings, aunts and uncles, cousins, family friends, high school friends, college friends, post-college friends—scattered across the country from Los Angeles, California to Veazy, Maine. I tried cutting the list down. How could I not invite these people who had watched me grow from infant to early 30s, who had loved me even through my angry, depressed goth phase in high school? As the list teetered off around the 80s (just for my side) I decided he might be right.

So, here I am, the newest addition to DCNearlyweds.com, thrilled to be blogging about the ups and downs of planning a wedding. As you may have deduced from my pseudonym, I live in the Cathedral Heights neighborhood in D.C. Our wedding will take place in this area in September, but I need to leave some substance for my upcoming blogs! In the meantime, I’m just happy I decided not to elope.

Etiquette police

I couldn't help but notice a blogpost today - a blogger I follow recently got engaged. Honestly, I couldn't be more happy for her.

However, she blogged about the specs of her ring - karat size, everything.

Something about reading it - quite honestly I don't care how big your engagement ring is - turned me off, and I found myself scrunching my nose at the absurdity and abruptly stopped reading.

I'm no etiquette police but I do not go flaunting around my engagement ring specs all over the blogosphere. If people ask, sure I'll share, but I don't just offer up the info because I find it obnoxious, who cares about the carat size or the clarity? People who ask are even tackier than those who just offer it up.

What say you nearlyweds? Offering up your engagement ring specs, tacky or no?

Doing Things Out of Order

We've been planning our wedding, as you know, since about last April. While this is wedding RELATED, this doesn't pertain to the planning of our wedding. I just had to share.

On Saturday, Mr. JeffM and I decided to have a nice romantic lunch at Harry's Tap Room in Pentagon City. I had Ahi Tuna Tempura and a side of their "Farm to Table" wild mushrooms, accompanied by some great white wine. Mr. JeffM had a bison burger and we closed the meal with some yummy after dinner drinks. He had chocolate Port (which is amazing) and I had some sort of white dessert wine. It was very good, but a little bit too sweet for me. (Seriously, the place is a bit pricey, but from the service to the food to the atmosphere... worth EVERY penny.)

We shopped around the mall for a bit. Mr. JeffM said he wanted to check out some video games at GameStop. I... decided I did not want to do that. 45 minutes later, we met back up and decided we apparently weren't done with wine and being romantic. No, no! We decided to trek over to Old Town to another of our favorite places, Grape and Bean.

We tried some different wines and had a cheese sampler platter. Even Mr. JeffM has really been into trying different wines and such recently. We talked about life, where we wanted to go and do. Things we wanted to accomplish. Who we wanted to go to the Super Bowl. How Horatio (our pooch) is devious, but we love him. We capped off the evening with two flutes of Champagne. (I also recommend Grape & Bean. Great romantic date spot or a nice spot for drinks with a gal pal.)

I feel so snooty going "wine" this and "cheese" that. Next thing you know, I'll be playing the harpsicord and letting go of my love for karaoke! (I kid... I could never abandon you, karaoke.)

Afterward, it was about 9 o'clock. I suggested we head home, but Mr. JeffM wanted to go down to the Waterfront. This surprised me. He is not a fan of the cold. Ever. He loves winter and fall (favorite seasons of his), but the whole being cold when he could NOT be cold and indoors is not something he particularly enjoys. It took a couple of minutes, but he convinced me and off we went. I was excited. The Old Town Waterfront at night is so beautiful with all the lights on the river.

We arrived, and the waterfront was, for the most part empty. It was quiet and romantic. We stood there for a little bit. He hugged me from behind. After a bit he pulled away and then he told me to turn around.

Mr. JeffM was down on one knee with this...

He asked me to marry him.

I couldn't help but cry. I'm a big weepy sap.

Now, I know there are cries from the audience...

"Miss JeffMemorial, I thought you were already engaged!"

You would be right, but Mr. JeffM was never happy with how our engagement went down. He always felt like he did me a disservice, because it was something completely unplanned, he didn't have a ring, etc. (For me, he could have proposed with a tumbleweed, and I wouldn't have even cared.) We did end up getting me a ring, but he never felt it suited me. It's a guilt that had been eating at him for quite some time.

Oddly enough, I always kind of knew he was never terribly happy with how things worked out when he proposed back in April. I could sense that it never sat quite right with him. He's a traditional guy, and I knew he had wanted it to be planned and special. I didn't know he was going to do something like this, though. It didn't feel less special because he had already asked. Not at all. So we cried. We kissed. We hugged. It was so picture perfect.

And the ring? Holy moly, it's wonderful. I know, not traditional, but I just adore it. It's me. It's completely me. Anyone who has seen it, that's been their reaction, and they're right. And I've always loved rubies. It's just wonderful. Here's another shot of it. It's unique. It's perfect. It's me.

What makes it even sweeter is that I had mentioned off handedly months and months ago about how I always thought the Old Town Waterfront at night was a pretty proposal spot, and that I need to find someone to recommend it to. It wasn't a hint. We were already engaged, and I, in no way, resented him or our proposal. It just slipped out!

Oh, and when he went to go to "Game Stop" earlier that day to go check out "video games"? He was picking up the ring from the jeweler, as it had been resized and was ready for pick up.

Sneaky!

It was an amazing day with an even more stunningly surprising ending. I feel so lucky and blessed.

After all the kisses and hugging, we went to the Fish Market (our wedding and reception venue) for a celebratory drink and then headed home.

We're now just a bit over nine months from the wedding! Time to get in gear.

Although now I'm interested to see if the wedding bands I was originally looking at will even work with that ring!

Best Wishes and Hearty Congratualtions...

...To everyone who became engaged over the holiday season! I'm sure many of you have noticed the trends in you own social circles of few weddings taking place in November and December, but many many engagements occurring! There's a great New York Times article from Christmas 2005 on the very topic of why it's so popular.

And if there something every new bride-to-be needs it's some unsolicited advice from a self-proclaimed expert, right? If I could share one piece of advice I could share with newly engaged couples it would be this:

Relax. Enjoy. Don't rush (or let others make you feel rushed) to make plans.

Friends and loved ones will immediately begin asking if you've set a date, where you'll get married, etc. etc. Learn this little phrase in response: Oh, we haven't discussed yet, we're just really enjoying the moment right now! Learn it and then live it!

We were on vacation clear across the country with no Internet access when we got engaged, so I was kind of forced to take it slow. Of course we called friends and family to share the wonderful news, but then we got to just bask in the glow of it all. Don't forget to savor the moment and what a unique time in your live this is before you jump into making a Knot page and picking the bridal party. :)

Just my two cents on the subject. What would your one piece of advice be?

Engagement Story

Our story began 8 years ago on the campus of Morgan State University. FI was a sophomore, and I was a brand-new freshman from New Jersey. I was so focused when I got to school. I was on a full academic scholarship and had no intentions of dating anyone during my 4 years of college. Then, I met FI . . . . Fast forward 6 years . . . . .



Part 1: The Fake-Me-Out

I'm smiling just typing this. . . . As you're reading, please note that this is not the abbreviated version.

In 2006, I was living in Richmond. I was recruited for a job out there after grad school. FI/Then-BF was living and working in MD. One weekend, I was planning on going to Maryland to visit my BF, but I was having a especially hectic week at work. On Thursday, I called him, and we ended up deciding that he would come to Virginia instead. That Friday, I was so excited for the week to be over. BF was getting on the road right after work, and of course I was happy to see him. I went home after work, and when BF was less than an hour away, he called me and said that his roommate needed some last-minute help his movie project for a film event on campus the next day. BF asked me to pack a bag and come with him. We were going to have to drive right back to Maryland. Now, let's keep in mind, BF drove 2 hours to VA, and was going to turn right around and drive 2 hours right back to Maryland, and then bring me back home Sunday, since I wouldn't have my car. I thought, 'Wow, BF is a really, really, good friend to do all this', but if you know him, he really is a great guy like that. So BF arrived at my house. Of course, I was still packing. I went back to the bedroom to finish packing, and BF was in the kitchen. While I was packing, we were talking, and I had questions about this project. I had seen the finished film, but I just had some regular questions, like:
What time is the film event tomorrow?
When did Roommate find out that he needed these last shots?
Who will be attending the event, just faculty, or students, also?

BF would answer, but first he kept saying, very matter-of-factly "I told you that earlier . . ." Then, he would answer the question, but I could not remember him telling me this in our earlier conversations that day. I thought I was losing my mind or something. I seriously had no memory of him telling me that. I thought, Maybe this hectic work week has me a little off.


Part 2: Our Stars

I finished packing, and we got on the road back to Baltimore. On the drive up, we were just chatting about our weeks, and about my birthday coming up. Then, I noticed that our stars were out. (This is where I have to backtrack and explain. When BF and I started taking our long walks across campus, it was in the fall, and the most prominent constellation in the sky at that time is the constellation Orion, which we have adopted as our stars. Throughout undergrad, I was really into watching the History and Discovery Channels. The ancient Egyptians erected the Pyramids of Giza in direct alignment with Orion's belt. That civilization, so focused on the afterlife, sought to recreate heaven on earth. That's a little bit of Kemetic science for you. So for us, our stars, the constellation Orion, represent our relationship as a little piece of heaven on earth.) The constellation is visible to us only in the fall and winter, and the evening of November 3, 2006 was the first time we had seen our stars that season. On our drive to Maryland, our stars were low in the sky right in front of us and it was like we were driving right to them.On seeing our stars, our conversation turned to reminiscing about all the great times we've shared. (Keep in mind that this whole time, I'm still thinking we're on our way to help Roommate.) We got back to Maryland, and while BF and Roommate were calling each other back and forth to meet up with "everyone" to shoot the last scenes, we ended up driving past our old apartment, which is not far from Morgan's campus. We talked about how it was great living there, and how we wonder who lives there now. Then, we went to Morgan's campus, where we were supposed to meet Roommate and everyone else by the telecommunications building to shoot these scenes. As we approach Morgan, I ask BF, "Can we visit our benches?" (Still having no idea.) We get to campus and start walking towards the building and our benches, and I see that someone has stuff on our bench.


Part 3: The Question

As we got closer, I started to recognize the stuff. I asked BF, "Is that your jacket?" Something was up. Was this really happening?! BF looked at me, smiling, and said "I have a confession to make. We are not here for a project, but I do have a question to ask you." By then, I was crying, and I do not cry! BF pulled a pink box out of his pocket and got on one knee. He opened it, and inside was the most gorgeous ring. He then said the most beautiful words I have ever heard and asked me, "Will you marry me?" Of course I said, "Yes!" through all my happy tears. We hugged, kissed, and I cried some more, and then Roommate and Roomate's GF hopped out from behind some bushes or something and started taking pictures and congratulating. I have never been so amazed, happy, and surprised. I was still asking about this fake-me-out project. I cannot believe I fell for a bogus project! LOL! Meanwhile, BF/now-FI and I are so happy, just laughing (Well, I was laughing in between bouts of happy-crying. lol!). I will always remember than night. I have never seen FI smile so wide, and I was overjoyed. FI is the greatest gift imaginable, he had just offered me forever. I truly felt like he hung our stars in the sky that night. I am the luckiest lady in the world, and I am so happy and excited to spend forever with him.

So, that is how our engagement adventures began.

Rules of Engagement: What You Need to Know

Who would have thought that getting engaged was something that you had to put on full protective gear for! It's somewhat combative in nature due to the barrage of questions fired at you by everyone from your mother to complete strangers in the elevator. So, take it from me - be prepared!

1. Know who's on the short list - who you are going to call in the 10 minutes after it happens. In fact, outside of the parents, I'd recommend sending a text to siblings, other family members and close friends.

2. Turn your phone off! Seriously, your phone will exploded with all the well-wishes, which are awesome, but...spend some quality time with your fiance basking in the excitement of the commitment.

3. Know the date - its the first question and everyone wants an answer right away. So, don't be vague (my response was maybe May, June, or September of next year) - that doesn't satisfy people's curiosity and encourages unsolicited advice. If you don't have a date - make one up. Really.

4. Know where you are going to get married - This should be an easy answer, but if for some reason its not been settled between you and your soon-to-be spouse, pick a place. Any place. People will want to know, trust me.

5. Have pictures taken. Why? Well for one you'll want to remember the occasion, but also because your parents will want to submit the announcement to the local newspaper right away and a picture is a necessity. You also want to have a general sense of what you plan to say, particularly if you have divorced/remarried parents, etc.

6. Know who you want in your wedding - and don't ask them. Not yet anyway. Even if you do know - don't ask anyone to be in the wedding in the midst of your excitement. Let things calm down and then reconsider. There are so many well-wishers and people you care about, its easy to get caught up in the moment, run your mouth and oops! you've now got 14 bridesmaids!! So stay mum on these arrangements!!

6 1/2. And the special bonus prize? Know what your wedding colors are going to be. Who would think that would be a questioned asked in the first week after getting engaged, but it sure is! I still have no sense of what colors I want, but people keep asking! I'm inclined to start saying in "pink and green" just to see the priceless expressions I'll get in reaction. Hee hee heee.

But, seriously, these are a few of the things that I wish I had known to expect. I'd typically say - lesson learned for the next time, but I don't plan on a next time!

Miss Rehoboth Gets Engaged!

Dear DCNearlyweds Readers,

Yes it's true - he asked and I said yes. Well, that's not exactly how it went, but that was the end result. He popped the question in the middle of the ferry ride between Lewes, DE & Cape May, NJ. While I was gazing out at the wide waters of the Delaware Bay, he humbly sunk to one knee and opened that little green box...I turned and exclaimed (thinking this wasn't going to happen before September '08) "OMG! You're not really going to do this right now, are you?" Probably not the response he expected, but when he confirmed it was the real deal, I said "Of course!" and he breathed a sigh of relief. We then had a fabulous weekend in Victorian Cape May, NJ at the sweetest little historic B&B.

Now that you know my story, a bit of background about myself might be nice to share. I am a Rehoboth Beach native, although I went to school in Wilmington, DE. My now-fiance was my high school BF, college comrade, and post-college buddy. We were originally introduced by my older sister at the ripe old age of 15. A year after college, I moved to Philly, ultimately ending up here in DC, and we lost touch. Last summer, the fiance (who I'll refer to from now on as DRB) ran into my brother, who reconnected us. Our first date was in Rehoboth at the cutest outdoor bistro, Cafe Sole - he took the ferry over from the Jersey shore to have lunch with me. In keeping with my true nature (read: no filter between my thoughts and what comes out of my mouth as evidenced above), one of my first declarations that August afternoon was to inform him that "I did not want a boyfriend." Luckily, he was not deterred. And, the rest is history.

Looking forward to sharing my wedding planning trials and tribulations with the dear readers of DC Nearlyweds. Please feel free to leave feedback - I definitely welcome thoughts and guidance through this process.