I Am The Warrior…Worrier?

I am convinced that some of the wedding Websites out there are attempting to make me even MORE anxious about the big day. I recently received an email from one of the numerous sites I’ve signed up for with the subject line, “Have You Thought About Your Wedding Kiss?”

The email went on to explain that there are many little things that us brides forget to practice, which, for me, translates to all the little things we forget to worry about while we are preoccupied with worrying about the big things. I admit it. I am a worrier. My fiancé claims that it’s one of the things he loves about me (well, maybe he refers to it as “caring”). However, being a worrier and planning a wedding don’t always jive.

When I woke up three different times last night and couldn’t get back to sleep, I tossed and turned, consumed by minute details regarding the big day—Did I pick the right colors? Is Mr. Cathedral Heights ever going to look at tuxedos? Will I get so anxious walking down the aisle in front of all those people that I pass out? Is it crazy to be spending so much money on one day when I don’t even have a car? And I still have seven months of worrying to go!

I remember when my best friend and bridesmaid—I'll call her K—got married. She said something about being concerned for me when it came time to plan my wedding. She knows me very well and had the foresight to predict how my personality might clash with having hundreds of details to organize and choices to make while everyone I’ve ever known tells me what they think I should do.

After racking my brain—and my mother’s, and K’s, and my fiance’s—over the past few weeks, I came to the understanding that I need to allow myself to not worry about some of the details. I’ll focus on the big items, or the items that matter most to me, and I’ll ask for help with the other stuff (I supposed this realization seems obvious to most). I had a moment of clarity today as well, when I took a step back and looked at the big picture. We’re planning an enormous party for ourselves—a day surrounded by loved ones, celebrating our relationship, our future, and our families joining together. This should be fun!

So, no, I hadn’t thought about practicing our wedding kiss. In fact, I want it to be spontaneous (or, as spontaneous as a planned moment that happens in pretty much every similar event can be), filled with excitement and love and nerves. I’ve made a decision: I’m going to give myself permission not to worry about the kiss.

Being a Bridezilla

Is not always a bad thing...

We've all seen them, heard them, or called them out... Bridezillas! If you're anything like me, you watch this show feeling a bit horrified that your big day could turn out so disasterous or that you'd be under so much stress that you, yourself would be a disaster! You look at the way these brides talk to their friends, their mother-in-laws, and (I know you do it) you gasp and think, "I would never!" I've said it before too, but more recently I've found that it's not always a bad thing to be a bridezilla.

Father of the Bride (Part II):

My future husband and I met with my folks for dinner yesterday and I have to admit, my parents never cease to surprise me. We hardly see each other and when we do we have a lot to discuss, especially in terms of the wedding. My dad starts us off by asking, "Are you still thinking November?"

O - M - G!

"Dad," I said, "It's October!"

Then my stepmom proceeds to ask questions like, "Well why isn't the food included in the cost of the venue? Wait, how much is this place? Why Ocotber? You can't have a year engagement because that's what the internet says to do, you have to do what's right for you! Is the deposit refundable?"

O - M - G!

I was astonished wondering where all these questions came from. Where was all this input 3 months ago when we were looking at venues -- when we asked them if they had someplace in mind. We called them when we found Oxon HIll Manor, I cried, and shared about how much we loved the place. I even spoke with them when we submitted our deposit. I have to wonder, where they even listening?

{Photo credit: Reel Film}

I was patient in reiterating our decisions and the lack thereof. I was polite and I was attentive. I was very open to catching them up to speed, but when my Dad looked at me and said, "Oxon Hill isn't very convenient is it?" I broke.

I had no choice but to look my Dad in the eyes, without blinking, flinching or hestitating and say, "I LOVE IT! PERIOD!" Thankfully, my groom's been watching Bridezilla with me and he got a little groomzilla with my folks by saying, "Oxon Hill Manor is the ONE decision we HAVE made!"

Exception to the Rule:

Driving home from dinner we shared about all the comments my parents made that threw us for a loop. How could she ask us if the deposit was refundable? What was my Dad thinking when he asked me, "How much do you expect us to commit to this?" Or when my stepmom said, "We saved for this, but we thought it would happen in 10 years, not now!"

The audacity! Am I nuts? Don't people get married in their twenties?

The upside to all of this is that Aaron and I had eachother. We had each other to pick up the shattered pieces of our perfect dinner of easy and fun converstaions about the wedding and move on. We both shared about what we got out of the talk (or didn't get), assured each other we're not crazy, and agreed it's obviously going to take them awhile to come around. In the meantime, we're just going to have to beef up our bridezilla attitudes and state what we want and what we need.  Honestly people, if we waited for them to intiate the talks or make the decisions, we'd be waiting forever.

Be a Bridezilla! It's the Only Way to Get Your Way:

So in the end, I'm left feeling like all those WEtv Bridezillas might have known a little something I didn't... They may not have been so bad after all. They may have been acting out of sheer survival. I can't help but think back to the words of WEtv's most insane (no offense) Bridezilla (the Staten Island bride who aired for 3 straight shows), "If you want it -- it doesn't matter if you have to yell it at the top of your lungs to get it! This is your day and what you want, you should have! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

{First photo and directly above credit : WEtv}

In the words of a people pleaser (me), "Tell them what you want, even if it's the hardest thing you'll ever do!"

Deep Thoughts by Miss Glen Echo...

(source)
What is a bridezilla? Am I a bridezilla? Several events have occurred lately has me self-reflecting on this...and I am a little concerned...

A "Bridezilla" is defined as follows: "Webster's Definition: Bridezilla\ bride-zil-a n 1 Horrific, bulging-eyed bride prone to screaming spells and spontaneous fits of hysterical rage. Bridezillas are known to drop blows over seating charts, get bug-eyed at the mere mention of carnations and view hurling champagne at their wedding planners as a form of hazing." Actually, this is the definition from Bridezilla.com...although Webster should just go ahead and adopt it.

I am not quite there...yet...but I feel the rage coming. I am going through some issues with the woman that is doing our invitations. I have been emailing her since June...it is now October and she has finally finished our invitations. She sent me some paper samples and I picked a nice green color that went well with our overall color scheme. I was SO excited about the prospect of 1) seeing my wedding inviations and 2) finally being done with this whole process. She gauranteed them to me, by today, last week. She emailed me about them and said they should be arriving this week...that's all.

Yesterday, I got an email saying that they did not have the paper I picked and she went ahead and had them printed on white paper and that they looked nice. She had the nerve to include a "YAY" in the email! I do not think I have ever been that mad over the color of paper before in my life. My main complaint is that she did not even ask me if that was what I wanted. She indicated that they ran out of the green paper I wanted and SHE made the decision to put them on white, but that if I did not like them on white, she would re-print them on the green. Which leads me to think that she should have asked me if I was willing to wait the extra time for the green paper instead of sticking it on the white paper that I specifically did not want.

Mr. Glen Echo helped me calm down, because I was ready to flip out via email. He suggested waiting to see what arrived and then going from there. So, I am now calm...but I swear if that deliver does not come today!!!! This might be me... (source)

I tried to step back and reflect...because in the back of my mind, the idea of losing my 'ish over paper was borderline, if not full on, bridezilla. But, why? I mean, if you spent $150 on a couch, wouldn't you be upset if the wrong wrong was delivered? Or, if you purchased a dress, wouldn't you return it if it was in the wrong color or just didn't fit right?

Then, why is my reaction of displeasure about the color of my invitation paper making me so paranoid? For some reason, being upset about anything associated with your wedding means you are a "zilla" or at least that label immediately comes to mind. Is this fair? Of course I want to be a laid back bride that takes in the "moment" when the day comes instead of crying over every little detail that does not go right. But, right now, I am thinking about the money I am spending to get to that point and that I am paying for a service that should be done right.

Anyone else concerned about potential Bridezilla-ish tendencies?

A Trip down Bridezilla Road

Hello ladies! I am so sorry about being MIA! with 94 days on the clock, I can't believe how busy it has gotten!!! Ok.....I have a confession. I have had a few bridezilla moments. (At least I know, right?) I'd love to take you for a ride down Bridezilla road, Miss CP style. (DISCLAIMER: I am aware of my actions and apologize if anyone mentioned is shocked by any of this, but I think they all know.)

source

Ok, Bridezilla moment #1: Mom CP had very specific ideas as to what she envisioned for my wedding day. This was news to me! I had thought she honestly wouldn't care and would just hand over a check....(hilarious and naive, right?) So the first big fight we had went something like this.

Mom CP: I just got back from 's wedding and it was perfect! We should do a lot of the same things.

Me: I want to be original. I don't want all the same things as . Don't you get that? I want to be unique!

Mom CP: Well, I know, but hear me out. First of all, wore high heels and they killed her feet. You gotta wear flats, sneakers even.

Me: Um. WHAT. Do you know me? Do you expect me to wear keds or something? I don't wear flats normally, why would I on this day? Plus Mr. CP is 6 foot 4!!! Heeellloooo

Mom CP: Miss CP, relax. They had the cheese in a bowl on the side for the salad. We gotta have the nuts and the cheese on the side. You know some people have allergies.

Me: Mom. I dotn want my wedding to be a Roy Rogers fixin's bar (yes that is a direct quote...shame on me)

Mom CP: You know, you are really turning into a bridezilla and I cant take it.

This was the first time in my life my mother has hung up on me. I called her right back and she was crying and I apologized and realized I was a little over the top and we haven't fought since.

Bridezilla Moment #2: Let me begin by saying, I know, deep down, that I am being somewhat unreasonable. To give a background, one of my closest friends (Matron of Honor, actually) is pregnant. YAY! I couldn't be happier. This is true. She is a close friend and I know she really wants this and I am over-the-moon happy for her. We have been close since 6th grade, and I am thrilled. I knew she, as well as potentially another bridesmaid, could be pregnant and I, unlike other brides, was so excited! The drama began a few months ago when this bridesmaids' mother told another bridesmaids mother (don't you love the small town) that I told her daughter she was "absolutely not allowed to get pregnant before my wedding," which was untrue and honestly, hurtful. This is one of my best friends. I am so happy for her! I was so hurt that not only did her mom think this, but shared this with other people, especially, since it was 100% false. Anyways, I let it go. I confronted said bridesmaid and she said she knew I didn't feel that way. So, in respect to our friendship, I let this one slide....which is totally unlike me, by the way.
Then, a few weeks later, I emailed her mom (the same one) to offer to help with a baby shower. Her mom basically tells me because the daughter lives far, they will have a party the weekend of my wedding, if it's a girl. (If it is a boy, there will be a bris 7 days after the baby is born). Now, my first reaction was, I can't be there!! How upsetting! I love this girl and can't wait to meet baby and I want to celebrate too. Maybe I can squeeze it in? Then, Bridezilla came. I can literally hear myself saying, "BUT IT"S MY SPECIAL DAY!!!!" I understand this bridesmaid must travel to come to my wedding, and with all her family local to this area, I see how much easier it is. Really. But at the same time, I deserve one weekend where it is just about me, right? I accept she can't come to my shower or my bachelorette party, but my wedding weekend!? Can she at least do it on Monday, memorial day, after all my festivities??? She had her wedding, and it was all about her. her mom would have FREAKED if the roles were reversed. Is it not ok to demand the same? I also get traveling with a newborn isn't easy. But..well...I get this day one time. Do babies trump weddings? Luckily, she is having a boy and this became an immediate moot point.

Bridezilla moment #3: I am tempted to not share this and by no way, want to hurt anyone's feelings.... but I KNOW I have issues (throughout my life) Sharing the spotlight. I am SOOOO excited about my growing family! I can't wait to have a new brother and sister in law! At the same time, the Bridezilla in me is a little taken back that they have planned their wedding 2 months after me and a co-bachelor-bachelorette party 2 weeks before our wedding. We can't go, obviously, but FSIL keeps saying, "its just a weekend, you can make it, come on," which I feel is unfair, especially since she RSVPed yes to mine, and backed out after we booked hotels, etc, because she couldn't spend money since she had her own wedding....I TOTALLY understand that, but I don't think its fair to not have the same understanding! Mr. CP is sad we can't go, as am I....Thoughts?

So have you had any Bridezilla moments? Share, we all love to hear them right?