talking it out

Right now, just over 3 months from the wedding (holy what?), the main thing I'm focusing on is hammering out the scheduling for the week-of and day-of. Maybe a little far in advance but since I'm having family members do some of the big stuff (flowers, cake), and places people are staying are kind of spread out (Herndon, Fairfax, Arlington, Alexandria), I really want to make sure we're thinking of everything in advance so we're moving efficiently leading up to the wedding.

It's a good thing I'm doing this now because I had been planning to have the bachelorette party the Thursday before the wedding, but after going through all the logistics I've realized that is just not possible, so we're going to have the bachelorette the evening of the day of the shower (end of next month). At first when I thought about it, seemed a little anti-climactic to have it that far in advance but it will still be way fun and I would much rather do it then, than be stressed out trying to make it happen the week of the wedding. When are you all doing your bachelorette parties?

Also! My MOH and I are trying to think of semi-non traditional ideas for what to do for the bachelorette. Someone suggested a sexy-themed scavenger hunt in an art gallery (finding all the nudes I guess??) which sounds like a cool idea but I'm not sure that's what I want to do exactly. But new ideas like that are what I'm looking for.

Other kinds of talking it out going on right now is the pre-marital counseling discussion. Mr. Fairfax and I have been on the fence about hiring a pro, figuring we could go through the list of things usually discussed in formal counseling and sort of do it on our own - however, after Meg's post the other day, we are way more convinced we should go ahead and find a pro to work with. Really want to make sure we're doing this the smart way, and probably going to this kind of counseling now when we're happy and there's nothing wrong, may help us feel more comfortable seeing a counselor in the future if we find ourselves in a rough spot (in addition to the obvious benefit of having these kinds of discussions facilitated by a pro).

Conference for the Engaged

What a weekend! Yesterday from 8am-4pm Sig. Keswick and I were in Vienna for the Arlington Diocese's Conference for the Engaged. As part of our Pre-Cana preparation, we are supposed to attend a conference such as this or meet one-on-one with a married couple for several times in addition to meeting with our priest. We chose this option as it was easiest to schedule between my work and his school projects, etc. Honestly, it was a very positive experience! We were curious and a little anxious on the drive in the wee hours of the morning but we enjoyed it (or at least most of it). It helped us learn more and understand the Catholic church's perspective on the sanctity of marriage and really reminded me how spiritually significant and important of an undertaking we will be making in less than six months - and I liked that. Sometimes you get caught up having the perfect wedding (however you define it) and it was a nice reminder how the marriage will last long after the cake, the flowers, the favors, even the photographs and memories.

We also sat a table with 3 other couples and they were really great to get to know. One couple even goes to the same church as us AND the bride's Filipino, so I felt an automatic connection from her from the beginning - especially since I feel like I know nothing about Filipino weddings but am dying to learn more but don't know where to look. The other two couples were also really nice and all 3 brides and I exchanged contact info so we can hopefully get together to talk about our experiences, good and bad. Especially with all my far flung bridesmaids, I really hope it will help me stay motivated and excited to be able to share the excitement and frustrations with someone else that's going through the same thing and that can empathize. (Although one of my girlfriends from school just got engaged this weekend and I am more than elated for her and her fiance *eeek* so crazy to say that! And I can't wait to share all my knowledge with her so that she doesn't experience the same confusion or stress that I did, or at least help her avoid doing so.)

Even if you're not Catholic or religious, I strongly encourage everyone to undergo some kind of marital preparation. There are so many *important* things to know/learn/ remember after the honeymoon phase that will help a marriage last, like communication and sacrifice, that we often forget in this fast-paced life.

Marriage "Matters"

Mr. CP and I have had a rough few weeks. With the wedding planning in full gear (107 days!AHHHHH), we also have moved (technically I am Miss Crystal City now), his job is in limbo with the economy and I have been a little under the weather. It has been a liiiiiiitle stressful, and to be quite frank, we have been bickering more than usual and its been tough. Last night, we got just what the doctor ordered....Marriage Class!
Mr. CP and I are taking a course through a synagogue with 4 other Jewish couples (one of who is a fan of the blog, Hi Lexie!). Last night's class was about communication and somewhat about disagreements. First, she asked us to pick a topic of disagreement that is not closed, something that's on-going. Then, she handed us a list of positive characteristics. We were then to circle the characteristics that our to-be spouse has and even make notes of examples next to it. The funny part was we didn't share this with each other. It was simply to put us in a good frame of mind about each other and remind ourselves why we are getting married and we love and cherish about each other.
At this point, we discussed what makes good listeners, and although we laughed about it, it was definitely helpful to be reminded to not interrupt and to really listen to each other. She asked that we go in the hall for 15 minutes and discuss the issue. All of the couples returned with positive feedback. For different reasons, this worked. For me, I was in a different state of mind. I had JUST reminded myself how wonderful of a person he is and then all of a sudden were talking about money, which tends to be a sore topic for us! The main difference was we tend to interrupt each other in a heated way, "I was speaking! Listen!" or "You're not even listening" whereas in this exercise Mr. CP would flash a smile at me and say in a sing-song voice, "its not your turn yet" and I would laugh and it lightened the conversation.
I am surprised to say I am really enjoying the class and I feel that every time we go, we take away something important. Have you taken a Pre-Martial class? What did you get out of it?