I Can Change My Mind, Right?

Why Can't I Decide?

One thing that I've learned during the last four months of wedding planning is that I am pretty darn indecisive. It's really difficult for me to discern whether I'm making a decision because it's something that I really want or whether I'm making the decision because it's something I think someone else really wants.

I've talked to my future husband (FH) about this and he's been trying really hard to help me figure out what I want for our wedding. However, even after long conversations with him (where we discuss the pros and cons of all the choices floating around my head) and I think I figure out what I want, it's not long before I change my mind again.

For example, we've chosen to have our wedding at Oxon Hill Manor in Maryland. Problem is that I've always imagined my wedding ceremony taking place in a church (one in particular), not outdoors. I know what you're thing... Why did we book Oxon Hill Manor if we wanted to get married in a church?

Well, I cried when I saw the bridal suite at Oxon Hill Manor. When my FH and me went there for a bridal show, we fell in love with it, and we thought it was the perfect location (more about our first visit here).

I'm not saying I don't like the place anymore, because I love it. It's just that I've been thinking a lot about how I originally wanted to get married in a church.

Another reason I've been thinking about a church wedding is because it would be less expensive. Oxon Hill Manor is not by any means an inexpensive venue and it's a big place, meant for big weddings. We've been talking about cutting costs, shortening the guest list, and I wonder if we shouldn't revert back to our original plan, which was to get married at Cherrydale Baptist Church and have the reception at the Hendry House (more about this venue here).

My FH is going to have a bit of a hissy, because we already "decided," this, but what if I've changed my mind? I'm finding this to be one of the hardest things about planning a wedding. Decisions are final. My FH's mom suggested we don't second guess any decisions we've made, but can't I just change this one thing? It'd be cheaper and ... well, I wonder if I'll be sad we didn't go with Oxon Hill.

Again I Ask, Why Can't I Decide?

Have you changed your mind about important wedding-related decisions (and then changed your mind again)? Do you have a difficult time deciding on something like the dress, the venue, or the guest list?

Pic One Source
Pic Two and Three By Me

Out of Hibernation - A Matter of Dates/Restaurants?

Here I am, Miss JeffMemorial. The MIA bride here at DCNearlyweds.com.

I am back, though. It has been a rough couple of months, but the holidays proved to be happy and revitalizing.

I feel as though I need to completely re-introduce myself as things have changed, haha.


Mr. JeffMemorial & I: Our Unofficial Engagement Photo/At a Capitals game, heh.

Known each other since we were nineteen. (Awww.) Young professionals living and working in Washington DC, mother and father to a crazy Scottish Terrier.

We became the JeffMemorial couple because our original plan was to be married at the Jefferson Memorial in early October of 2009.

Then something funny happened that we should have seen coming and never really thought of.

Mr. JM's birthday is on October 18th. Mama JeffMemorial (my mom) has her birthday the next day on the 19th. My birthday is on October 26th. Then Halloween is on the 31st.

This year's run through October was insane enough, and we could not imagine doing all of that plus a wedding this year, and then throwing a wedding anniversary in there every year to follow. Our solution? Move it to November.

But then.... November is too nice/cold/rainy/spastic to actually plan an outdoor wedding without some fear of Mother Nature explosions.

It had to go inside to accommodate our new November 7, 2009 date plan.

To shorten an already long story, we moved everything to our reception venue, Local 16, and then another tragedy struck. Not money. Not even the location. Originally we were thinking of having a child-free wedding and then realized we wanted his nephews involved in the ceremony and part of the family festivities at the reception. Local 16 is not a child-friendly location. It killed us to move it, because Local 16 really is beautiful.

But the wedding is about having those who are important there and the joining of families. His nephews had to be there.

We moved it. Thankfully for the last time. Date set and reserved at our new venue.

If you want to be specific, we're now actually more like Mr. & Miss OldTown (for Old Town Alexandria), although I love the Miss JM moniker, as it reminds me of where we've come from in this process.

This is because our venue for the wedding and reception is in a place that was the most unlikely venue and it has turned out to be perfect.


"The Internationally Famous Fish Market of Old Town Alexandria"

Really, I approached the event coordinator of the Fish Market on a whim. I was stressed beyond comprehension. We had been settled on Local 16 for months. We were making that work, working within their budgets, etc. And then we needed to change everything.

With this economy picking at all of our wallets, we needed a place that stayed within our budget, but we didn't want to sacrifice having a beautiful and unique wedding.

Finally I thought, hey, I know we had our hearts set on being in DC, but I had taken Mr. JM to Old Town, and he fell in love. Mr. JM had grown up in around Annapolis and the Eastern Shore, and I grew up in DC and in Northern Virginia. Old Town is like the perfect blend of the two. A seaside historic town (like Annapolis) with the Virginia charm that I love.

Our first date in Old Town was actually at the Fish Market, which oddly enough is a restaurant I had been going to with my mom since I was about six years old. It was one of my FAVORITE places to go to eat growing up.

The night we were there, they were having a big private party in their upstairs dining room. The thought crossed my mind briefly while I was pulling my hair out at work, trying to sort through where the heck we were going to have our wedding.

I perused the website to see if they had any sort of indication that they did big events, as one of the GREATEST things I've learned through all of this is that restaurants can be fabulous wedding and/or reception venues that tend to be less expensive (if you're needing to mind your wallet) because generally you pay for just the food and drinks, with maybe a rogue cost for clean-up, but I haven't come across those kinds of fees in my research. In addition, you may find the cost to be less, but the quality of the venue can be just as lovely as a hotel ballroom, country club or what-have-you. Plus, it's one stop shopping. It's your venue, your caterer, your bartender, and many times your linen vendor, as well. They also may have good recommendations for other vendors, such as DJs, florists, etc.

While I knew all of this going into considering the Fish Market, I was still skeptical. While it is considered a requisite stop for visitors and locals alike in Old Town, as well as a landmark, it's not the fanciest place by any means.

Imagine my surprise when I saw the space dressed and arranged for events on their website.





While it's not the set up we want, you could really see how the space could be utilized. I contacted their coordinator and practically bit my nails down to the quick; a place like this couldn't be that affordable, but I had to wait and see.

And it was! It was perfect! Mr. JM loved it. I loved it! Our families loved it!

They're giving us the entire top floor instead of just one room, so we'll have a room set up with the food (an appetizer buffet) and the bar, and the room pictured above set up for seating, dancing and our ceremony.

We haven't had to cut our guest list, and in fact since we moved it from Local 16, we were able to increase it, due to our menu set up and increased space.

Their event coordinator their is incredible. Answers every question, really personable and easy to chat with. She's fabulous and is so creative. We have free reign in terms of set up, etc. I have never dealt with such an accommodating, nice and flexible venue, and given the amount of people I have had to speak with in regards to this wedding.

Given the fact that we have been attempting the impossible (a wedding in the DC area for around $5k), I've had to talk to so many venues and people.

I guess I'm just so happy for us. One of the things we promised ourselves is that we were not only going to pay for the wedding ourselves, we were going to continue with our debt management plan and put nothing on credit. A pipe dream, seemingly, but nope.

Ironically we're having the wedding of our dreams and are able to invite those we really want there, and all for $4k, including my dress and our honeymoon hotel cost for Colonial Williamsburg.

So yea, check out the Fish Market of Old Town. If not for your wedding, you should be aware that for NoVA and DC brides, it's considered a wonderful place to hold rehearsal dinners and other wedding related activities. :-)

That was a lot more long-winded than expected, but hey, Miss. JeffMemorial is back!

Flexiblity & Meltdowns

One thing I have learned throughout this whole process of planning a wedding is being flexible. Flexible with your "needs" and your "wants". Flexible with places, people, etc. Flexible with the knowledge that the meltdowns aren't a matter of "if", but "when". Large or small, meltdowns happen.

Today I have also learned that I need to be flexible with blog monikers. For example, my name here is Miss JeffMemorial. Well Miss JeffMemorial is now just a name and not indicative of anything wedding related. Instead of the setting for a stunning outdoor October wedding ceremony for myself and the Mr., it is now merely a place I highly recommend to tourists. (Really, it's gorgeous. And don't forget the paddle boats!)

This is where we insert Miss JeffMemorial's meltdown of about two days ago.

It was a perfect storm when it came to the fruition of several issues at once... and it dumped all over my head.

Our wedding was initially set for October 10, 2009. Then we realized as we are wrapping up October 2008, there is no way we want to cram a wedding into the mix. It would have gone as follows: Our wedding on the 10th. Mr.'s birthday on the 18th. My mother's birthday on the 19th. MY birthday on the 26th. Halloween on the 31st. Plus throw in a birthday celebration for both of us with the Mr.'s family.

Needless to say, it was crowded. We were going to make due, though. Any later, and we run the risk of things being too cold, etc, and we didn't want to share our birthdays with the anniversary. October would just be... "filled with a little more extra love and stuff".

Then the hammer fell.

I can't even get into it. I was getting ready to submit our permit application for the use of the Jefferson Memorial's West Lawn, and tragedy struck. Tragedy struck in about eight million different ways and fell upon my shoulders at 12:30pm on a Tuesday afternoon.

No Jefferson Memorial.

I was panicked. I had no idea what the heck I was going to do. I tried to relax and think. After the haze of anger passed and I was able to lift my head up a little bit, I formulated a plan.

Mr. JeffMemorial and I attend an amazing church in the Columbia Heights neighborhood called All Souls. Literally, it's stunning. Have a look-see:



See? Stunning.

Now originally this was where we were planning on having our ceremony AND reception. (They have a hall in the Church.) We ran into a big financial issue and had to scrap it due to budget constraints. Since then we never looked back at the church, in spite of our love for it.

I started rethinking everything. We wanted a fall wedding. Well, October 10, while technically fall is still residing in that 70 degree zone, and the leaves haven't even turned yet.

With a hope and a prayer (What's up, Jesus?) I contacted the wedding coordinator at All Souls.

"Do you have November 7, 2009 open?"

And they did. We're meeting with the ministers this weekend, and somehow it's working out better than I expected.

So maybe, technically, I'm not really Miss JeffMemorial. What's great though is that I didn't realize how we're still ending up with the perfect wedding. We had written it off due to our budget but didn't realize that the only thing that was killing us was the reception cost. We didn't even see that this was doable.

Now we'll have the beautiful traditional indoor wedding, which I'm surprised to say I missed. I didn't notice, due to all the logistics I was trying to plan, that I really wanted to get married in our church. The organ. The big aisle. The grandeur and tradition of it. It sounds silly, but I remember there was a moment months ago when Mr. JM and I originally planned on getting married there. It was after the service, and we stood at the head of the aisle, where we would when we were getting married and it felt really right.

Anyway, while I was being sarcastic about learning to be flexible, I think I learned a big lesson this week: even if disaster strikes, it might be for the best.

Although I'm not gonna lie... I needed a strong drink after Tuesday's explosion. About three of them.

The New Girl: Miss JeffMemorial

Hello, all! Miss JeffMemorial here. I'm the newest addition to DC Nearlyweds, and I'm very excited.

While I am a DC Native (yes, we do exist), Mr. JeffMemorial is from the Eastern Shore of Maryland. Oddly enough, Mr. JeffMemorial and I have known each other since we were about 18 years old. We never dated. We weren't terribly close, but we got along and were friends. Last year he reappeared in my life; I had moved home to DC after spending six years in Boston, Ft. Lauderdale, and North Carolina. We reconnected and got swept away last December. We just fell right into the relationship, like we had been together forever. But I knew instantly, even before the relationship began. I called our friend up and told her in confidence that I was freaking out, because he was the man I was going to marry. I just knew it.

And I was right.

He proposed in April, and I said yes. While it surprised everyone, all we received were well wishes and support. Anyone who knew us said that us getting married was a wonderful thing.

Mr. JeffMemorial and I now live in Capitol Hill, at Potomac Avenue, with our Scottish Terrier, Horatio.

Now we are doing the unthinkable. We are having a wedding IN Washington DC without putting anything on a credit card and with a budget of $5000.

Some may think I'm joking.

I'm not.

Some may say this seems impossible!

Much to my surprise, it isn't.

While we'd love to adhere to tradition with my family chipping in, it's not possible. The money for a big wedding isn't there on either side; so we're being very 21st century and paying for it all ourselves.

Now I'll admit that the budget restrictions have not always been a source of smiles and rainbows. The wedding has been through a number of incarnations as ideas went from feasible to unreasonable. Throw in a money-eating family emergency for good measure, and you have a recipe for a bride wanting to run off to Vegas and never look back.

Thanks to one superstar bridesmaid and the support of another (who happens to be Miss Gallery Place!) we're not eloping. We're pulling off the impossible, and we have just a bit over a year to do it, with our wedding being on October 10, 2009.

Our vision was to have a wedding that showcased why we loved Washington DC so much. So many write DC off as a fake city, but it's our home, and it's my favorite place.

We've been through art gallery receptions, church hall receptions, you name it... we've tried to plan it. And that's when the idea came up, thanks to my Super Bridesmaid.

Why not have the wedding on the West Lawn of the Jefferson Memorial?

We're looking at a tiny itty bitty cost for permits, as opposed to the astounding non-member fee structures at our church. Not only that, but the scenery is beautiful for our guests, a number of whom are from out of town! Also, Washington DC in the fall is so romantic to me.

Now it isn't officially our location yet, as we cannot purchase permits for use of the memorial more than a year out from our date. Needless to say, on the morning of October 10th I will be calling the Parks & Rec department, check card in hand!

Coming up...!

Can a plus-sized bride find a reasonably priced dress of her dreams?

And!

How can one throw a fabulous reception in Washington DC on a small budget?

In all seriousness though, I'm happy to be here and sharing planning with all of you!